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Politically Correct Joke

FROM:  Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All  Employees
DATE: 4th  December 2007

RE:  Christmas Party

I'm happy  to inform you that the company Christmas Party  will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private  function room at the Grill House.

There  will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!

We'll  have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free  to sing along. And don't  be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A  Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m..

Exchange  of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however,  no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for  everyone's  pockets.

This  gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a  special announcement  at the Party.

Merry  Christmas to you and your Family.

FROM:  Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All  Employees
DATE: 5th  December 2007
RE:  Holiday Party

In no way  was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our  Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important  holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately  not this year. However, from now on we're calling it
our  'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to  any other employees who are not Christians.
There  will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will  have  other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy  now?

Happy  Holidays to you and your family,


FROM:  Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All  Employees
DATE: 6th  December 2007
RE:  Holiday Party

Regarding  the note I received from a member of Alcoholics  Anonymous requesting a non-drinking didn't
sign your  name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on  a table  that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!

How am  I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget  about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed

now since  the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much  money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.




FROM:  Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All  Employees
DATE: 7th  December 2007

RE:  Holiday Party

What a  diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins  the Muslim  holy month of Ramadan, which forbids  eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the  party! Seriously,  we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs; perhaps the Grill House  can hold  off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else  package  everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag.

Will  that  work?

Meanwhile,  I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest  from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table  closest  to the toilets. Gays are  allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to  sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes,  there will be flower arrangements/on the gay men's table  too.

To the  person asking permission to cross dress: no cross dressing  allowed.

We will  have booster seats for short people.

Low fat  food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot  control the salt used in the food; we suggest those people  with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There  will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant  cannot  supply "No Sugar" desserts.

Sorry!  Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!




FROM:  Pauline Leis, Human Resources Director

TO: All  F****** Employees

DATE: 8  December 2007

RE: The  F****** Holiday Party

 Vegetarian  pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're  going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like  it or  not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill  of  death", as you so quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad  bar,  including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings  too. They  scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing  them  scream right NOW!!

I hope  you all have a rotten holiday; drink, drive and die.

The Bitch  from



FROM:  John Bishop - Acting Human Resources
DATE: 9th  December 2007

RE:  Pauline Lewis and Holiday  Party

I'm sure I  speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,  and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
meantime,  the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and  instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December  off with  full pay.