4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital waiting
for their wives to give birth. Soon, a nurse came out from the delivery
room and told the first daddy: "Congratulations, you've got twins!".
"Oh!..... maybe it's just a coincidence" said the daddy, "as I'm
working at the Petronas Twin Towers".
Then another nurse came out of the room and told the second daddy:
"Congratulations, you've got triplets!"
"Wooow!, this is a coincidence too" said the second daddy. "I am
working for 3M Corporation".
A while later, another nurse appeared and told the third daddy:
"Congratulations! your wife got quadruplets" "Thanks God. Perhaps
this is also a coincidence". "I work at Four Seasons Hotel!".
Meanwhile, the fourth daddy-to-be was becoming very worried. All
the 3 daddies asked him: "Why do you look so worried?".
He answered, "I work at Seven-Eleven!"
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we
going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have
LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you!?!
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs!?!"
The husband calmly replied, "....I wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving with you in the f-----g car...."
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him. One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?" Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him." God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!" Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"