Conservation & Environmental Matters

Nog 'n Noag storie

In the year 2004, The Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in South
Africa, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another
Ark  and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the
Ark  before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
but no ark.

"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!  Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed.  I  needed a
building permit.  I've been arguing with the inspector about the need
for a  sprinkler system.  My neighbours claim that I've violated the
neighbourhood  zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height  limitations.  We had to go to the Development Appeal Board
for a decision.

Then South African Transport and Eskom demanded a bond be posted for
the  future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead
obstructions, to  clear the passage for the Ark's move to  the sea.  I
argued that the sea  would be coming to  us, but they would hear nothing
of it.

Getting the wood was another problem.  There's a ban on cutting  local
trees  in order to save the Giant Spotted Owl.  I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls.  But no go!
I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As
well,  they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was
cruel and  inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then Kort Broek of Environment Affairs ruled that I couldn't build the
Ark  until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on  how many previously disadvantaged individuals I'm
supposed to hire for my  building crew.

Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to
hire  only Union workers with Ark building experience.

To make matters worse, the Customs and Revenue via the Scorpions seized
all  my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to
finish  this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched  across the sky.  Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You
mean you're not  going to destroy the world?".

"No", said the Lord.   "The South African Government beat me to it!"